Empire State of the Union

This Wednesday, an address was given to the nation by our leader, as is our custom. In it he gave us his vision for the future, and what he expects those under him to provide for the American people in order to improve and enrich our lives.

You may be saying to yourself, "Jon, that's all well and good, but Congress isn't really 'under' President Obama," and in that you would be right. But in another sense, you would be wrong. You see, I am not talking about the President's State of the Union address. I am talking about a speech that many more people actually care about: Steve Jobs' keynote about the iPad.

Yes, that is right. After years of rumors and rabid fan gossip, the Apple tablet is here. And by "tablet" I of course mean "giant iPhone that can't make phone calls." Doesn't that just make you want to go drop $500 on one? I always thought that as technology moved forward, things would continue to get smaller and smaller. Apparently not. Maybe technology is cyclical. I guess I should go buy a beeper when I'm done writing this, before they get popular again.

It's no surprise, however, that the news is a really big deal here in New York. I have noticed that Apple products, particularly iPods and iPhones, are everywhere around here. Before I moved out here, I thought gadgets like that were only for rich suburban dwellers. Probably because the only people I saw with them were rich suburban dwellers. Which was probably because the only people around were rich suburban dwellers. Here, however, everyone has one. I'm constantly amazed by how many people appear to be so poor, but still manage to pay the $80, $90, or however many dollars a month for an iPhone with a data plan. I mean, I live where I live partly because I'm too poor to live in Harlem, so how rich could my neighbors be? Actually, perhaps their expensive iPhone plans are the very reason they have to live in the Bronx to begin with.

My favorite sight, however, is seeing a homeless person with an iPod. This boggles my mind. Not because they could sell it and get money for some food (because that money would soon run out, then they'd be hungry, cold, and bored, where now they're just hungry and cold). No, I just wonder where they charge them. Seriously, don't you need to plug those suckers into a laptop to get them charged?

Well there you have it. New Yorkers universally love Apple, which explains why the Apple stores around here look like temples. I suppose, in a sense, they are.



*NOTE: I stole the "technology is cyclical" and beepers bit from 30 Rock. I don't want to get all Carlos Mencia on you guys, but I thought it was worth repeating, so long as I cite my sources.