The Best Things About New Jersey: Watering the Garden State

Warning: This blog entry is rated PG for childish body humor. If you can't laugh at that, then you may want to hold off until my next entry.

This is how it has to be: a kiss for luck, submerge myself, and in seven weeks resurface (even if we don't look back again).

- "7 Weeks" by Gym Class Heroes

It has once again been entirely too long since I've fed the growling entertainment stomachs of my gentle readers. I'm not going to apologize, but I will at least spare you from a tedious recounting of the various struggles and tasks that have kept me from writing. I assure you, it has not been because of a gap in my education.

This time when I resurfaced, it was to go celebrate Thanksgiving with some friends in New Jersey. And that, of course, means it's time for a new entry in my ongoing series, "The Best Things About New Jersey." What can I say? New Jersey is an absolute triumph. It is a fantastic state...

For me to poop on!

Hear me out, New Jerseyans (New Jerseyites? New Jersans?). I'm not being facetious here (or feces-ous... tee-hee-hee). I really enjoyed that fact that in New Jersey, you can go outside and, well, go outside.

Actually, in the interest of honesty, let me say that I did not actually poop on New Jersey. In fact, despite having been to New Jersey several times now, including a two day trip for Thanksgiving, I'm pretty sure I have yet to poop within the state lines of the Garden State. But the idea holds for... other things as well.

Anyway, as a male, I enjoy peeing outside. There's just something that makes trees superior to urinals for men. Maybe it's our way of being green. Maybe it's a hardwired natural instinct. Maybe men are just gross. Whatever the reason, it is enjoyable. Those of you who know me know that I am not really the outdoorsy type (no, really, the guy who lives in the middle of New York City and writes a blog about random things isn't an avid outdoorsman--go figure), but peeing outside is an exception to that rule. It's clearly the best part about nature.

In New York City, I don't get the chance to do that very often. And unlike the guy who exposed himself and peed all over himself and the column that was about four feet away from me in the subway station, I do have limits. The biggest of which has to do with trying to get a little isolation. As you can imagine, that doesn't happen a lot in the city.

In Jersey, on the other hand, there are places. It's a beautiful state full of lush forest land. It's quite beautiful; I highly recommend visiting it. When you're here, I recommend you take a deep breath, take it all in, take another deep breath, and let it all out.