Getting A Discount When Buying Happiness

I'm not going to sit here and act like I've ever thought it would not be cool to be rich. Money would certainly help me in my efforts to become James Bond. I could afford an Aston Martin, a pristine tuxedo, and a steady flow of Vodka Martinis, shaken, not stirred (although with all the martinis I've ever ordered, not once have I seen a bartender stir it anyway). I bet with enough money I could even buy a British accent. And, of course, I could have a killer place in Manhattan where I could entertain guests at my pleasure instead of a single room in the Bronx where three really is a crowd.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that being rich is probably overrated. Take transportation, for example. Rich people get to ride around in limousines. What is a limo, anyway? It's a long vehicle that has a driver in his own compartment in the front and a bunch of drunk people not wearing seatbelts in the back. If that sounds familiar to some of my non-rich brethren, that's because it also perfectly describes the subway.

Yes, that's just one example. "What about Broadway?" you may be asking. "Surely the rich get to enjoy a better class of theater than the non-rich." Wrong again. Even if you ignore things like rush tickets and lotteries that can get you cheap tickets to Broadway shows, there's Off-Off-Broadway. Now before you say that Off-Off-Broadway is not the same caliber as Broadway, let me point something out. When I got here and I was looking for cheap things to do, I looked at Off-Off-Broadway. A lot of the shows look quite similar to those that are on Broadway, but with more zombies. Now ask yourself who's getting the better entertainment.

It seems to me that for every high class thing rich people can get, there is an equivalent thing for the non-rich. The main difference is usually that the non-rich version involves more crazy people. Instead of going to the fancy art gallery with an open wine bar, visit that neighbor one floor down who's been trying to get you to come over and have a beer while he shows you the painting he made on his wall when he was sleepwalking. If you can't afford tickets to the great concert coming up at Radio City Music Hall, head into the subway station and hear the woman singing Whitney Houston songs for donations (a few years ago, there was a chance it would have actually been Whitney Houston). When the living members of Monty Python perform live at Ziegfeld and tickets are hundreds of dollars, see them a couple nights earlier on Jimmy Fallon for free.

My point is this: life is cheaper when you can put up with crazies. And if you know me, chances are you can.