Cash - Not Just for Slang

Before I arrived in New York, I thought the only reason cash still existed was because if it didn't, we'd all lose a lot of great nicknames for money. I mean, come on, "it's all about the plastic cards with 16-digit numbers" just doesn't quite have the same ring to it as "it's all about the Hamiltons." But it turns out that people here actually use it, and not just old people who are afraid of new technology or the "too cool" kids who don't want to do anything that more than 5 people do or the crooks who want to stay off the grid. It's regular people like you and me too!

In fact some places insist on you using cash (which thanks to one of my larger responsibilities at my last job, I keep accidentally spelling "cache" and then going back and fixing. Thanks a lot, Dave). I found this out the hard way at Tom's Restaurant, which is famous for being the exterior of the fake coffee shop that our dear friends Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer spent so much time in. Well, now should I ever become more famous than Seinfeld (hey, it could happen), it will be famous for being the place where Jon Avery had to scurry out to a nearby ATM and come back to because he ate a meal he didn't have the money on him to pay for. You know, I understand the little holes in the wall not taking credit, but come on! That place has to be a giant tourist trap, given it's famous for no reason at all. Come on, it's the Paris Hilton of New York restaurants, it shouldn't have a problem with plastic.

Though I really can't say it's a bad thing that cash is more common here. See, in California, a credit card is almost as fast as paying with cash, but here that's not the case. New Yorkers seem to be a little slower than California at processing credit cards (Yeah! Take that Empire State!), but New Yorkers scream when it comes to dealing with cash. I've seen the guys at the corner deli's (which are called that not because, as you might think, they're on the corner of two streets, but because there are so many of them that it makes people feel cornered) ringing up and taking cash from two or three customers at once, and getting everything right. I've got to say, it's impressive.

My theory is that the skill with which people handle cash in New York is actually the result of training provided by muggers, who realized that by investing in cash handling training early on, they could turn much bigger profits in the long run, as people carry more cash. This added cash then gives the next generation incentive to learn to deal with cash faster (or at least the experience to to it), thus creating a cycle. And they say there are no criminal masterminds in New York.

Okay, I don't really think that, but I am becoming rather fond of this whole "cash" thing. It's fast and convenient. You'd think somebody would have thought of it a long time ago. Oh, wait...